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Can I Borrow Your Oxygen for a Sec?

The Bachelor as Cult

Kathleen Toohill
17 min readMay 18, 2017
Photo: Unsplash

The man sits on a yacht in the Atlantic Ocean, surrounded by three bikini-clad women who are vying for his attention. Pillows with green and blue diamond patterns line the back row of the boat where the man sits, watching the blonde woman strip for him. He holds a drink in his hands and wears short swimming trunks with flowers on them, a winking nod to femininity that serves to gently offset the uber masculinity of the rest of him. He is toned, tanned, muscular. The mic pack attached to the back of the stripping blonde woman’s hot pink bikini is the tell — this is not a normal luxury yacht, and these are not normal toned, tanned, attractive people.

The women are fishing, and this man is the catch.

“I am one lucky guy right now,” the man says, before proceeding to rub sunscreen on the back and thighs of the brunette. She sips her cocktail contentedly and the other two women watch with narrowed eyes while they rub sunscreen on their own backs and thighs.

Of course, there is more to this afternoon than alcohol, physical perfection, and luxury that oozes and bubbles like sunscreen squeezed from a tube. There are sharks lurking in the water beneath the yacht, and the three women and one man are going to swim with them. Not everyone on the yacht is thrilled to learn this.

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Kathleen Toohill
Kathleen Toohill

Written by Kathleen Toohill

Words in @tnyshouts, @TheAtlantic, @mcsweeneys, @CatapultStory, @ElectricLit, @yelp. Defender of puns. Former sunflower seed butter apologist.

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