Gifts For Women That Say “Hey, You’ll Get ’Em in Four (or More) Years!”
If the ladies in your life seem less than merry this holiday season, chances are they still haven’t gotten over Hillary’s loss (or maybe it’s that time of the month. If you’re not sure, it never hurts to ask). It’s important to be understanding during this time, even though you know the DNC never should have backed Hillary.
Here’s a list of thoughtful holiday gifts that will not only show these women that you care, but will also help them snap back into their happier, pre-election selves.
Baking mixer — We know what you’re thinking. Won’t women be offended by this subtle hint that their place is in the kitchen? And the answer is, maybe! But this handy mixer comes with an extra long extension cord so it doesn’t have to stay confined to the kitchen, just like your significant other. For an extra sweet touch, wrap up the dry ingredients for your favorite type of cookies and include them with the mixer. You and your s/o can cuddle up in front of the fire and enjoy the cookies she baked.
Drum set — We get it — sometimes all that testosterone builds up and you just want to hit something. Ostensibly, this gift is for your significant other, but chances are good that she’ll quickly lose interest, or her arms will get tired. That’s where you step in, to wow her with your quick hands and impeccable rhythm. It may be tough to figure out what news is real and what’s fake these days, but we know one thing for sure: It’s hard to be sad about Hillary when you’re rocking out to a sick drum solo.
A League of Their Own DVD — Yes, this one’s a little retro. Who watches DVDs anymore? But it’s hard to wrap up a Netflix subscription, and plus, she probably already has one. This movie is a great way to remind her that women really can do anything they set their mind to, like play baseball. Well, softball. Which everyone knows isn’t the same thing. But that’s not the point! The point is that if people can make a movie about women playing softball and other people are willing to spend money to buy it, someday, a woman just might be president.
“Sexism” journal — Are you tired of listening your girlfriend complain about the boys’ club at her office, or your wife moan and groan about the cat callers who harass her on the street? This is the perfect gift for her (and by “her”, we mean you!). This gift will show her that you think her feelings are valid, without your having to actually listen to them. If you’re feeling extra supportive this holiday season, offer to read this journal once a week so you can understand what she’s “going through.” Actually reading the journal is, of course, optional. It’s the thought that counts!
Bernie Sanders poster — It’s important to remind your girlfriend that all hope isn’t lost. There are still men out there championing them and their rights. It’s easy for women to forget that Bernie’s track record of understanding and fighting for women is much longer than Hillary’s, but this poster will help them remember. Just look at that twinkle in Bernie’s eye — he’s like a skinny, Jewish, anti-capitalist Santa Claus.
Hiking boots — If hiking was all Hillary needed in order to accept being thwarted by a narcissistic man-child, it should be enough for your significant other, too. And if she still doesn’t cheer up, maybe she’ll eventually get the hint and “take a hike.” Kidding! If you want her to take a hike, you’ll probably have to tell her. A text is fine if you’re short on time, but ideally you should at least give her a call.
Sephora gift card — It’s really a terrible thing that women are judged primarily by their appearance. We wish that weren’t the case. But the fact of the matter is, if we want a female president, we’re probably going to have to run someone younger, and more photogenic. Hillary just looks old. Now, maybe if she had put more effort into her appearance, she would have been more confident and might have won. This gift card lets your significant other invest in herself and her future success. Look at it as your job to help bring her from a six to a seven. After all, it’s Trump’s world now, and we’re just living in it.
A presidential autobiography — It doesn’t matter so much which one. The point here is to remind her that male presidents really haven’t done such a bad job (so maybe don’t pick Decision Points). And none of these men could have done what they did without the support of their wives (and in many cases, mistresses), so that’s something! This autobiography will remind her that there’s a lot more to being president than most people think. A president needs a firm resolve, grace under pressure, and a strong sense of diplomacy. Or, in the absence of any of those qualities, male genitalia.
