Election-Themed Halloween Costumes
2 min readOct 28, 2016
- Democratic National Convention balloon drop. Find one of those bubble things that people play soccer in for some inexplicable reason. Paint it red, white or blue. Make your way up to the rafters of whichever party you happen to be attending (an attic will suffice), wait until people are standing beneath you, and then drop down onto them. For this costume to work, their expressions need to match the awestruck wonder and joy of Hillary’s.
- Taco bowl. Carefully apply glue to your entire body (a glue bath is recommended). Place a tarp on your floor. Dump corn, rice, beans, and salsa onto the tarp. Roll around on it. Wear a sombrero. Tell everyone how culturally sensitive you are.
- Putin. Don’t wear a shirt. Find a horse. Ride the horse around the party. Announce in a thick Russian accent that you’ve got to call the orange guy, and pretend to call Trump. Ask fake Trump if he’s pleased with the recent hacks. Objectify women. Catch up on the latest Carpool Karaoke video. Repeat once every few minutes.
- Hillary’s emails. Print out a bunch of emails and use a hot glue gun to attach them onto your skin and clothes. Run up to people, grab their arms, and tell them that you are never, ever going away. When you are asked to leave the party at the end of the night (or earlier), refuse to do so.
- Melania Trump’s Republican National Convention speech. Wear a white dress. At the party, steal parts of other people’s costumes and hope they don’t notice. If they do, tell them that you didn’t make your costume, so it’s really not your fault if it isn’t 100% original. If they continue to disagree with you, threaten to sue.
- Big league versus bigly. Cut open many, many packets of Big League Chew and tape them together to make a onesie. Chew Big League Chew. Apply Big League Chew to your hair with glue and hairspray. When people ask what you are, say you’re “bigly”.
- Cable news. Talk almost exclusively about Donald Trump. Blame Beyoncé for misogyny and sexism. Traffic in fear and hyperbole. Tell everyone you just can’t believe Trump made it this far, how did that happen, is this the end of our country? Tell them they’ll find out after the break. Walk away. Return three minutes later and repeat earlier spiel.
- Anthony Weiner. Nope. Bad idea.
- Facts. No costume required. Tell people you’re a fact. Half of them will not believe you. Offer to prove your veracity. Despair as they pull out their phones and show you an article on Breitbart. Sit in a corner and cry.
- America. Don’t go a party. You don’t deserve it.
