Leaked MFA Syllabus: Crafting the Narrative of U.S. Foreign Policy and Running the World
A highly controversial New York Times Magazine profile of Ben Rhodes tells the story of his journey from aspiring novelist and MFA graduate to righthand man of President Obama, responsible for crafting and disseminating the administration’s foreign policy messaging.
This syllabus, leaked from a premier MFA program known for pretension and windchill, is proof that MFA programs aren’t about literature at all — they’re grooming an army of master foreign policy manipulators.
Crafting the Narrative of U.S. Foreign Policy and Running the World
Spring 2016
Instructor: Professor Kessinger
Class Meetings: M/W/F 4:00–5:00pm
Course Description: We all understand the importance of narrative. In novels, narrative functions as — who are we kidding? None of you care about novels. This class will get to the heart of the real reason that you’re paying for graduate tuition that won’t boost your earning potential, the reason you endure the pitying looks of family friends, people who don’t understand you now but will come to regret it if you end up ruling the world.
This course will review basic social media skills like “tweeting” and “snapping” (I am told these are both viable verbs in this context). We will review the relatively new art of eliciting emotions through emojis. For example: using happy face emojis to get the public to support a particular policy, and heart emojis to remind Americans how to feel about an ally, human rights record aside. We’ll discuss if and when the poop emoji can be deployed (hint: it can).
We will learn how to talk to reporters, which will include strategies like answering a question with a question and changing the subject. If time allows, we may also review pretending to appreciate literature in conversation (Jonathan Franzen seems to be a particular favorite of white men).
Your assignments will consist of weekly “narrative crafting” assignments in which you will attempt to convince your classmates of a narrative via social media. The narrative can be related to foreign policy, though that isn’t a requirement, and can be true or false. Examples of topics from last semester include “Why Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” (this received an A, obviously) and “Why Climate Change is An Important National Security Issue” (C). Your final assignment will be a 1–2 page paper outlining why you think you are more qualified than any other MFA student to run the world.
Course Objectives: This course will teach you the skills you’ll need to know should you ever find yourself in the position of crafting the narrative of U.S. foreign policy and running the world.
As you surely know by now, the odds of success in this business are astonishingly low. Few, if any, of you will ever successfully craft U.S. foreign policy and run the world as your full-time job. Most of you will attempt to do so in your spare time, while juggling soul-sucking day jobs and partners who don’t understand your dedication to your craft, and then will become disillusioned and quit.
Required Texts:
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- Social Media Marketing for Dummies by Shiv Singh and Stephanie Diamond
- Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
- Purity by Jonathan Franzen
Grading and Evaluation: You will be evaluated on the strength of your class participation, the success of your weekly narrative crafting assignments, and the coherence of your final paper. Each unexcused absence will result in the lowering of your final grade, and “telecommuting” into class is strictly forbidden. You can’t expect to learn how to run the world from behind a computer.
